Download Runaway Husbands: The Abandoned Wife's Guide to Recovery and Renewal, by Vikki Stark
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Runaway Husbands: The Abandoned Wife's Guide to Recovery and Renewal, by Vikki Stark
Download Runaway Husbands: The Abandoned Wife's Guide to Recovery and Renewal, by Vikki Stark
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Based on a study of over 400 women worldwide, Runaway Husbands: The Abandoned Wife's Guide to Recovery and Renewal, is the first book to explore and offer healing strategies to women whose lives have been turned upside down by Wife Abandonment Syndrome. Wife Abandonment Syndrome is a pattern of behavior on the part of a husband who leaves his wife out-of-the-blue from what she believed was a happy marriage. Following his sudden departure, he replaces the caring he'd typically shown her with anger and aggression. He often moves directly in with a girlfriend, leaving his bewildered wife totally devastated. Written by family therapist Vikki Stark who was herself affected by Wife Abandonment Syndrome, Runaway Husbands helps women understand what motivated their loving husbands to turn into uncaring strangers and provides them with the tools they need to move forward and rebuild their lives in new and unexpected ways.
- Sales Rank: #57909 in Books
- Brand: Brand: Green Light Press
- Published on: 2010-02-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.02" h x .47" w x 5.98" l, .65 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 204 pages
- ISBN13: 9780986472107
- Condition: New
- Notes: BRAND NEW FROM PUBLISHER! 100% Satisfaction Guarantee. Tracking provided on most orders. Buy with Confidence! Millions of books sold!
About the Author
Vikki Stark, M.S.W., has twenty years' experience as a family therapist, supervisor, and educator and appears regularly as a guest expert on television. Originally from New York City, she now lives in Montreal.
Most helpful customer reviews
152 of 156 people found the following review helpful.
My eyes have finally been opened for good
By Kim
On Mother's Day last year, my husband of nearly 24 years brought me flowers and gifts. At the same time he was telling me he loved me, he indicated that he didn't want to spend time with me because he had other obligations. I was confused, hurt, and very worried. He would hardly look me in the eye. Later that night, he indicated that he was contemplating a separation. The next day, he said he did want a separation and that there was to be no discussion about it. He wouldn't give me any valid reasons for the sudden separation. I pressed the issue. He said he had been unhappy for a long time. This was the first I heard of this. In fact, I had asked him on a daily basis if he loved me, if everything was okay between us, etc. His reply was always "everything is fine." We were having what my therapist and minister assured me were normal long-term couple problems. I was dedicated to working through these and thought he was on the same page. Instead, he threw the issue up in my face as if I was the only one to blame. He took absolutely no responsibility for any part of it. None. He made me believe, for a long while, that I was completely to blame for the demise of our marriage. When I asked if there was someone else, he angrily lied to my face and said there wasn't. When I later asked him if all the cards, flowers, text messages, and affections were even real, he replied "Some of it." He let me know that he had been pretending to love me for quite some time. I begged him to consider marriage counseling. Her refused. I was devastated. My two grown children watched me pack my things as I fell apart. At one point, I started to faint and fell into a chair. He never moved to help me. He showed no compassion, no emotion, no remorse, nothing. He stood there, steel faced and cruel. He later told me he wanted our separation to be permanent. He wouldn't even say the word "divorce." I later learned that he was, indeed, leaving me for a woman he had been seeing behind my back for some time. He lied to our children about her, too, even after multiple witnesses came forward and confirmed what we all suspected. The really sick part is that I suspected his affair several months before and asked him about he. He was furious with me. I felt really bad for doubting him and, in tears, apologized for it. He stood motionless and glared at me. And, this wasn't the only woman he had cheated with. There were at least 2 others that I know about. I had to see my doctor and get tested for STDs as a result. I was mortified.
The day he dropped this bomb on me and for months afterward I was in shock. I felt like a thousands knives were sticking in me. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't eat. I lost 45 lbs. I tried to cope with the grief which was especially difficult since I had just 3 months before lost my brother in a tragic accident. How could he change like he did? How could he do this after 24 years of marriage, a nearly 30 year relationship, two children, and what I thought was a happy history together? Didn't any of this matter to him anymore? I sent email after email hoping that if I said the right things he would at least talk to me. He ignored me completely. I offered my heartfelt apology for hurting him and asked him, again, if he would consider marriage counseling. He told me our marriage wasn't worth saving.
I read dozens of books, sought help from a therapist, and spent time with my minister to try and understand what happened. I was gradually getting better. I moved back to my home state. I picked up the pieces and tried to move on. But, I desperately needed to know why. It kept haunting me. I replayed those terrible scenes over and over in my head praying that I would find the key to what went wrong. I must have missed something. But, I got nowhere. Then, after a night of prayer for answers, I found this book. I read it in a matter of hours. I couldn't put it down. I was, once again, shocked because this book WAS my story. This very same thing happened to me, just like all the other women whose stories were included in the book. I could barely breathe. Right there on these pages was the answer I had been seeking. I was just another victim of Wife Abandonment Syndrome. I didn't even know such a thing existed. With each page, the fog cleared away a little more. By the end of the book, I finally had a sense of peace. I finally knew the "why" and could let it go once and for all. I am so very grateful to Ms. Stark and the hundreds of men and women whose stories were incorporated into the book. Without you, I would still be on an endless quest to figure out what happened to the man I believed to be my husband and best friend. When I closed the book, I closed that chapter of my life permanently. I felt lighter, more free, and extremely grateful that he was no longer in my life. It terrifies me to know that the man I trusted for so long, whom I had believed to be a good, moral, honest and loving husband, could do something so sinister and so cruel. Looking back on my marriage with my therapist and minister, I now see the patterns that I missed. I now see the clues I didn't want to acknowledge. I now see that I am truly happier and safer without him.
I cannot recommend this book enough to any man or woman whose world was suddenly and inexplicably turned upside down. This book is a life-changer. It helped me get unstuck from the past and embrace my remarkable new life.
70 of 75 people found the following review helpful.
Who thinks every divorce is the same, think again
By Alyssum saxatile
Divorce is without doubt a crazy experience for many people.
But hardly anything hits you as bad as the out-of-the-blue rejection of what you thought is a good marriage. Not only do you feel your present is destroyed, you can not see a future and worst of all..your past is no longer what it seemed. Your life becomes a fog..your only coping strategy is breathing in, breathing out.
And then they are the people around you: "Ah well, divorce is bad. Happens to a lot of people, get over it"
This book puts it right. The author explains exactly how these women and men feel, how their life is destroyed, how they try to cope. Sometimes its very raw, at least to me because I have been there. The coping strategies are well thought out..I wish I had read the sentence: "Don't press the send button while in pyjamas" earlier and they are so true. But maybe because it is a unique book, not one person explains what is happing..but hundreds, through one voice. And all the stories are eerie similar, the feelings are similar, the trauma is the same. And in the collection of personal coping strategies you might find one which is right for you.
If your partner walks out on you out of the blue..read it. It helps you understand that you are not alone and there are people out there who understand you perfectly. It helps you survive and nudges you gently on the road to recovery. You need to walk on your own but you know now you have walking buddies
If your best friends partner walked out on her and you feel helpless in understanding her..read it and then buy a copy for her.
If you think all divorces are the same..read it and then judge again
73 of 79 people found the following review helpful.
This book saved my life and my sanity
By Cgriff
"Runaway Husbands" was the first book I read that put a name to what I was going through as I watched my 25 year "happy marriage" disintegrate in front of me and the man I loved my entire adult life become a stranger before my eyes. Vikki methodically maps the characteristics of this type of "man" and details the common experiences of women who've gone through this hell, giving hope and understanding to every woman struggling with the unreality of her new reality.
I was in that seemingly perfect love story - we were the couple everyone envied. Close, intimate and totally at ease, sharing laughter and a love of life that was truly magical. But the discovery of one errant email followed by pictures of a woman's genitalia on his cell phone tripped him up and - upon being caught red-handed, he informed me a four year affair and that OUR life: me, our two beautiful children, a quarter century together filled to the brim with happy memories - was not worth the hard work and sacrifices (giving up his mistress and the teacher's union activities they used to meet each other) to save. And with that - he walked out the door and never looked back. I felt as gutted as a fish and the pain practically killed me.
But knowledge is power - and Vikki gives any woman facing this scenario facts and data to survive the fall down this rabbit hole and recognize it as a very sad but all-too-common phenomenon. Most helpful to me was the tiny portion about the "other woman" - who is astoundingly neither a 28 yr old aerobics hottie nor an elegant Princess Di type. They are - across the board - so much less than the wife they usurp. A dumbed down, down-classed version of what the husband already had. Having faced my replacement and taken her measure...well... Vikki's insight kept my head from exploding at the total disconnect between what my husband had always wanted in a woman versus his most recent choice. And she is totally right- the mistress is a "bit player" in the tragedy - the protagonist with the horrific fatal flaw is the husband who leaves. It really is all about him.
Read the book. Learn the lessons of what we've all gone through. It's never easy when you find the most important thing in your life - your marriage - completely devalued by the most important person in your life. Let "Runaway Husbands" throw you a lifeline of information and a pathway into a new, better reality.
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